5 Psychological Things That Make You LESS Attractive (With Miss California ’14 Alycia Darby Zimnoch)

Five psychological things that make you Less attractive hey I want to board Final create of the magnetized human Method and look this is the channel Where we magnetize your man so that the Man you want desires and most Importantly ladies purse you do forever But today I'm not going to be talking so Much because I have my very dear friend And pageant coach Alicia zimnok here With me today hey Alicia hi auntya thank You so much for having me I am super Pumped to talk about this topic with Your audience I'm super excited because Also ladies she um Alicia was Miss California in 2014 so she has the real Deal behind the secrets knowledge that You don't get anywhere else right like You're always like what do they know What I don't know well today you will Find out I'm so excited and also um if You watch us on YouTube or podcast we Have a win a pageant podcast that Alicia Ho posts as well on the platform and we Will also post that into the show notes And in the comments as well well Alicia Tell us a little bit about How the heck did you become a patent Coach like they're probably like wait The pageant coach I've heard maybe about Miss California but like that's it you Know I know I know you know it's it's a Fun story I didn't start competing until I was an adult and then I went through

Lots of losses before I discovered a Piece of what we're going to talk about Today which is the difference between Beauty and attraction and when I sort of Unlocked you know I was chasing beauty Beauty I just wanted to be the most Beautiful but when I shifted my focus And understood better this concept that You talk about in your work which is Attraction to actually be magnetized to Have them pursue you that is when I Finally started winning and that's when I won Miss California and then I Realized you know what there's a lot of People out there that are chasing the Wrong thing like they're just trying to Be perfect or beautiful or whatever ever And many of the things that we're doing Are actually very off-putting to people And it's actually making us less Attractive and so that's what we're Going to talk about today is really Figuring out so what's the difference And and how do we draw the line and That's what led me to realize if all if I was doing it and all these other People are doing it then maybe this is Something that I can help with and so I Created my framework to help women that Are competing in beauty pageants to help An understanding between the difference Between Beauty and actual being coming More attractive so the women I work with Get scored from 0 to 10 by a bunch of

Strangers in like five minutes or less And they have to win people over and Make a big impression in order to win The title and so that's kind of a bit About where my experience comes from and How it can apply to your audience today Oh I love that you know I call that like Living an emotional tattoo on well on The manner but this case it would be Like the jury's heart right did like oh She was like Unforgettable you know I Always have women ask me how can I be Unforgettable on a date and I'm sure We're gonna get some tips and tricks Here today that will also apply to Dating but I also see a lot of women Watch this to really feel like gaining More confidence yes to be themselves Versus like being sort of like Performing right because I feel like the Man wants you know wants to have this High achieved woman and he wants you to Be a certain way to look a certain way And so that's why I brought you on Because there's nothing more than like The pageant world right we're like wait A minute you know I mean let's debunk That myth Um where this actually potentially even Came from this whole idea of like Performing and smiling in a certain way And putting your you know yes the tilt Of the giggle yes which which auntie I Perfected it I really when I was

Competing I showed up with like the most Expensive dress I really thought I did Everything just perfectly but what I Discovered was that all these little Things that I was doing that I thought Were perfect were actually creating a Giant gap between because things have Changed you know it if if we think about The difference between Beauty and Attractiveness is if you go to Somebody's home and you might look Around their home and be like wow this Is a really beautiful home but you Wouldn't necessarily feel like I would Love to live here but you might just Still recognize this is lovely this is Really beautiful the difference is that Attractive is when you walk into Somebody's home and you're like Oh and you come to life and you feel Like wow this is gorgeous and you want To sit in all the chairs and you want to Touch all the vases and you just feel Like I'm home That is what we want to focus on and Usually that is not Perfection usually The Pinterest perfect Pinterest you know House and display and stuff is like That's lovely and we all think that's Totally beautiful but like does that Couch really look all that comfortable To sit on you know that's the biggest Difference that I that I see and this is What I work with my clients on in a

Beauty pageant like exactly like you Said they're getting scored from zero to Ten but it's more about the Psychological understanding of how People make decisions Um from in in my clients they're worried About their judges so a panel of five Strangers that are literally judging Them but we experience this in our Day-to-day lives whether we're at a job Interview on a date at a coffee shop we Meet someone cute or we catch an eye Across the way with them all of those Things we're creating an impression and We need to make a lasting impression but It has to be one not of perfection but Of a trap action I love that so much and Today we're going to talk about the Psychological things that make you less Attractive but maybe also Um pepper in some things that that make You attractive right like absolutely I'm Not gonna leave you hanging oh yes So tell us like the first psychological Thing that make a woman less attractive So the first thing I want to share is This idea of being perfect So this when I was um what I I came up Through the entertainment industry I Lived in Los Angeles and was a host and Fitness model and things like that so And when you live in Los Angeles you Tend to know a lot of actors and Actresses and one of my friends was very

Successful in her field and I told her That I had head shots coming up soon I Said I've got some head shots for my Pageant and you know I'm trying to Figure out what I'm gonna wear and how I'm gonna do my hair and all this and The advice that she gave me was don't Chase pretty don't chase pretty and I Was like well I want to be pretty though I want to be like beautiful I want to be Perfect I want to have all the things And she said no no no don't chase pretty Because what happens is and I've seen This with my pageant women too when we Are desperate to be this perfect thing That we think this is what pretty looks Like pretty has this kind of hair or Already has you know this type of Clothing or pretty is a person that has Jawbones way up here or pretty as Somebody who has thick lips or and we're Chasing these things that are different Than who we are when we're chasing those Things We give off a natural Um Dis K LOVE lack of love for our own Characteristics that are true about us And so when you chase all these other Things that are outside of you that You're trying to be you are naturally Psychologically the people that are Experiencing you chasing something that You don't have or that you are not they

Experience you running away from the Things that you do have and the things That you are And so they feel like whoa what are we Running away from oh wait so we Shouldn't like thin lips oh we shouldn't Like large eyes oh we shouldn't like Dark hair oh so now they're Psychologically confused like wait a Second oh why do we have to have these 20 things why do you need to have long Why do you need to be blonde why do you Need to have why why why why why do you Feel like you need to be 30 years old Why can't you just be 47 and it's but we Get caught up in this I'm not good Enough as who I am so I need to chase What I think is pretty don't do that It's it's ugly it's actually ugly Because what's happening is you are Putting off this like red flag that Something's wrong with me so much so That even I have to run from it That is not attracting that's actually Making me feel like well what's so wrong With it that I need to get away from Don't chase the pretty instead you need To embrace the things that you've got And this is this is the like so how do You get how do you become attractive With you know the things that you have You know maybe you have a little extra Weight that you just cannot lose and You're like you know what just this is

What I look like this is who I am Perfect love that part of you but how do You really do that you have to do what I I describe this as integration and I Know this is stuff that I'm sure antia Is a part of your work too because this Is how people develop their confidence Is when they look at look these are the Things about me that are not going to Change and sure we could get plastic Surgery we could get a tummy we got all These extremes to make us be so we could We could Chase those things however by Doing that you are psychologically Communicating to yourself and others That what you have isn't enough And so instead we need to integrate this Into our life we need to just say look Hey I like my hair short there's a Reason I cut my hair short it's because It's easier for me to manage I I like That I can style it very simply I like It doesn't take me a lot of work and a Lot of effort these are the reasons why I've chosen this or hey I have I have Thinner lips and my lips are going to Continue to thin as I age and that's Okay I look at my mom she's got the same Face as I do my grandma has the same Face as her and I'm like that's what I'm Gonna look at when I'm 93 years old and I can look at her and say she is Beautiful and that's okay that I don't Need to be changing all these things I'm

Sharing personal things that these are Experiences that I've had of like Chasing the pretty like oh should I get Should I get plumped lips should I get BOTOX in my head no I love that when I Go like that I express myself a lot and I get wrinkles on my forehead but I like That because I like that I'm an Expressive of person so we've got to Integrate these pieces of who we really Are we can't chase the pretty we've got To understand the things that you have Can be really attractive if you Integrate them into your life and say Yeah these are pieces that I actually Really like about me I've chosen these To be this way I've chosen to have short Hair this way or I've chosen to wear These wigs that I really like or I've Chosen to wear this color that's my Favorite color I've chosen to wear this Type of jewelry or have this type of Style when we choose those things Consciously then we're able to say and This is why and this is why I love it This is what it makes me mean so that's Our first one don't chase the pretty Well this is so powerful because you Know so many women come to me and say You know what like the date went great I Mean it was basically perfect I mean it Was like you know and like when you said You're basically communicating you know They're running away from something

Themselves and I always tell my women The quality of men they're attracted to Her life is directly proportional to the Relationship they have to themselves Right so then the man is running too and That's exactly what happens right those Guys are ghosting and it doesn't make Any sense it was like a great Conversation it was like you know they Even like physically compatible it's not Like she's not his type or you know and I remember when I was actually Um doing a little bit of matchmaking one Guy was actually saying I just feel like I don't have like space next to her Right I just like don't feel you know And another guy was saying well I felt Like I have to make the whole Conversation so it's like this being so Concerned about like performance An event like authentic conversation you Know what I mean not like you know Asking you obvious questions so that's Like so powerful for you to I feel like As you were talking I already felt like Women having like little breakthroughs And aha moments and light bulbs going up You know what I mean and this comes from Former Miss California ladies okay so Like you you know what I mean this is This is it so let's talk about Um what's the number two psychological Thing like you I I'm gonna I'm gonna go A little out of my original order

Because you mentioned the I don't have Space so this what what I've found in Our judging panel so when my contestants Stand in front of uh five strangers that Are going to score them from zero to ten One of the things that they have to Consider is the definition of beauty so Beauty is we've heard before beauty is In the eye of the beholder and that is Partially because we all see things as You know we all we all value things Differently we all think but mostly it Has more to do with how I feel when I am In somebody else's presence So if I feel really supported and really Like I am like a really great person Whenever I'm in your presence that makes Me feel like on top of the world and I Want to spend more time with that type Of person now it backfires if it gets to Be a little like corny like a little Over the top or this kind of thing so What what can become unattractive Is a woman that is overly like Complimenting like overly like oh my Gosh you're just the most amazing guy I've ever and he's sitting over there Being like Okay like you're laying it on a little Too thick over here you know but the Other thing that can be really confining Is being overly judgmental So especially in a dating situation Although this happens for my contestants

As well but in a dating situation when a Woman shows up and she's like I've got My checklist these are the 20 things I'm Looking for in my man so then he sits Down and she's like well let me just see About this are you and she is overly Judging all these characters now I I do Think we need to have an idea of what We're looking for we don't just want to Take anybody you know as a woman we get What we want by saying no to the things We don't want so so there's a limitation To this however when you are overly Judgmental about all these things about That other person They have no space to breathe And we need to give them space to be Them and we do that by allowing us space To be us And so when we shift our boundaries when We say okay well I'm gonna make myself Smaller so that you can feel larger That's not healthy because now all of a Sudden I've confined myself to this Little like well okay well it's okay Well it's okay it's okay it's okay I'll Just shrink myself like this you can Just run all over me no no no that is Not attractive holding firm boundaries But also not saying well I'm the boss of You and I'm gonna tell you exactly what I wanted I'm gonna do all the things I'm Gonna make all the decisions for us and I'm gonna now there's no space for that

Person to also show up so I see this a Lot even in pageantry where our Contestants will typically before they Compete in the pageant they get a Program book that has a little bio about All of the judges and when they get into The interview room what they sometimes Do wrong is they try to make a false Connection like a pseudo connection Based on superficial things so they'll Say things like oh I saw that you grew Up in the midwest I went to school in The Midwest And you're like okay That I don't care you know like that's So superficial it's so but maybe I'm Saying do you think I'm like that's like Maybe I should value that maybe are you Judging me that like you think I should Care that we both are from the Midwest Like so it sets the standard for over Over judgment what we need to do is we Need to allow your boundaries to be firm Don't feel like you shrink don't feel Like you need to expand to solve every Problem in the world allow them to be Where they are and that what that will Do is allow them to share who they are To have the space exactly so don't be Overly oh I'm gonna have my checklist This is all the things I need to have no No no no just relax now granted if they Don't have those things or if after a Few interactions you're realizing like

No this is not the person for me that's Okay but if you're doing this whole Checklist thing that's really Unattractive because now they feel like Gosh I couldn't even like show her who I Am I felt so confined I felt like I Couldn't even breathe so it's the Judgment do not be overly judgmental and Do not be overly like I'm gonna shrink Myself into a little nothing and just Tell you how great you are you know both Of those things can backfire and this is What I talk about with my women about The pendulum swing because like you know Like about 50 of the women who come here That track like a narcissistic Relationship into their life right and Of course that's just not responding to That shrinking Behavior they're looking For like a woman who's shrinking herself Right they're like oh this is perfect Right because then I can take up all the Space because I don't feel bad about it You know what I mean they're like sort Of the um the parasite right and the Woman is the host Um and then and then it's eventually I Get so resentful that they swing the Opposite direction and I say well now You're not going to attract a high Quality man because high quality man They're not responding to women who Don't like men you know what I mean Because they like themselves they're

Respecting themselves they're honoring Themselves they give you the space as Much as they give them the space right They have the integrity and they would Treat you like a queen but you have to Know that you are one so such a good Point Alicia yeah what's number three That was like okay so number three is This The the concept of overly focusing on Your own personal achievements so this Is the woman who is like okay I have to Tell him that I've traveled to 25 Countries and then I need to say that I And kind of almost shows up to a date or In my circumstances with my clients to An interview with a list of things that They feel like this other person needs To know this about me otherwise and Usually it comes from this place Psychologically it often comes from the Place of If they don't know this about me they Won't value me So I need to tell them that I'm an avid Traveler and I need to tell them that I'm a really good cook but I also need To tell them that I was raised on a farm And I know how to ride farm animals but I also need to mention that and it's Like turns into this laundry list of Things that then and I have my doctoral Degree and I've got two master's degrees And it's like okay like so now this

Becomes just the resume of you And it and it doesn't allow for the Natural flow of conversation so in a Date setting and even in an interview Setting like with my contestants they're Interviewing for a position you would Think that they're supposed to give Their whole resume here's what makes me Great for this role but that's actually Not the case we instead want it to be Conversational because if it's not Conversational there's no attraction It's just so logical that people are Like well we could check the box we Could not check the box instead you want To be attracting you want to be the type Of person that says you know Oh Yes Actually I did I have traveled to France Before and then they're like oh you have Okay well have you been to Bali actually Yeah Bali was one of my favorite places I've been to oh well how about have you Been now we're curious now we're drawing Out things now when you say something New I'm drawn in I'm like wait a second Whoa this woman is full of cool Surprises like what else versus showing Up and saying yep well a little bit About me well and then you're like You're going this whole laundry list of Things of your accomplishments and it's Really off-putting because the other Person then feels like Oh I wasn't the right person would say

I'm not prepared for this I didn't like List out my accomplishments before I got Here on this date so now I feel like We're trying to like have this Comparison battle like who did the most Stuff in their life and now I feel like I'm probably gonna lose this that Doesn't make the person feel attracted To you they feel instead repelled from You so don't show up with a laundry list And focus on all the things the laundry All that I did this and I did this and All your accomplishments instead allow Those things to show up throughout the Time getting to know a person Oh it's so true and you know and I had This client uh when I was like doing Some matchmaking and she was doing Exactly that right she's like I'm the Sea level executive and um you know I Won this championship and the tennis you Know like so and I literally coached her Before right I said this guy do not mess This up because I interviewed this guy He was like an engineer and a musician I'm just like Mexican feminine to I just Amazing right like Charisma basically Right and and I do not mess this up I Know you you know what I mean like and That this is exactly what he said he's Like well sounds like she's got it all Going on you know what does she need me For and um and what what happened is Like I think what he was saying is what

Is this two masculine energies and it's Just neutrality that's like I could Shake it or I can leave it it's kind of You know what I mean it's like yeah Depending on the on the day maybe a call Or maybe you don't and um yeah Absolutely like such a good point you Know like to just move away from Um this this it's a myth that men are Actually looking for those highly Accomplished women and that they want to Hear all of that Um on the first date because you're Right it's not going to put them in an Attractive face but it puts them into Like a competing Yes I've never heard a man fall in love Like I fell in love with this woman Because we're competing all the time It's so cool I beat your Monopoly I love It when she like emasculates me you know What I mean it's going out hard like Said no man ever at least not much Yes that's so true and it is it can Become sort of like this competition That feels like could I ever win this And and you you as a woman and it likely Will become exhausted before the man Becomes exhausted so if you are Attracting somebody who likes that for Some reason you you can't keep it up It's not sustainable because as a woman Our energy isn't designed to sustain That type of you know always always go

Go we're designed to soften and to Receive and so and especially in a Dating relationship and so it won't last If it begins like that where it's Competitive and it might be fun and it's You know maybe cute but then it wears Out very quickly because that's not how It that's not what keeps you together It's not that's not the design of it Totally totally I agree so we have two More psychological things left yeah on Alicia okay so this next one is this Concept of um I I like to imagine the Difference between a river and a swamp So a swamp is stagnant there's no Movement it's kind of like just been There for years nothing's really changed Nothing's you know this is the type of Woman who's had the same hairstyle for 10 years and it you know her hairstyle Works it's fine but it is what it is you Know she hasn't really updated her Wardrobe in a long time and hasn't Really you know invested in anything for Herself and it's just kind of like Things are just going along that's the Swamp What's more attractive is a flowing River something that's in motion Something that's moving something that Is uh in a growing state So this is the type of woman who is Exploring new hobbies she's the type of Person who is able to like have

Interesting conversations meet new People and not feel like she's committed But also not feel like she's being Judged she's able to kind of just flow Through things and it feels like the Difference between a swamp that's Stagnant and the river that's flowing it Feel the river feels more life-giving it Feels more refreshing it feels more Valuable because of the fact that it's In movement So what I see a lot in my pageant Contestants is that they they often will Compete year after year so they'll come One year they'll make top ten they'll Come back the next year they'll be in The top five they'll come back this Happened to me I competed my first year I was top 10 my second year I was first Runner up I almost won I was first Runner-up and so that's the year that I Was like okay I am gonna be perfect and What I invested in was all the wrong Things so I invested in the wardrobe I I Literally changed my hair one shade Lighter because somebody told me you Should lighten your hair shade and I was Like okay that sounds great that's a lot Of time that's a lot of money it was Stupid it was damaging to my hair it was Not the right thing to invest in so I Invested in all these superficial things I show up the next uh at the next year For my pageant competition and I didn't

Even make the top five I actually went Back in my placement and I was supposed To be the one that won I believe that What happened was I jumped in a swamp I I allowed myself mentally and Emotionally to be stagnant I wasn't Doing any new personal development Things I wasn't reading any new books I Wasn't engaging a new coach I was I was Just doing the same things I've always Been doing just more and more expensive And it didn't work because I was a swamp It wasn't attractive it was like well You looked exactly like you looked last Year like okay well nothing's changed Here what they wanted was somebody that Had lice in them that was growing that Was trying new things that was making Some movement in life so for your ladies That are wanting to attract the right Man you cannot be stagnant you can't Just say well you know I'm just gonna Try to keep doing what I was doing and Maybe just do it more no that probably Isn't working you have to find a new way Of trying things and the new way is in Most cases antia the changes that we Make externally meaning we get a new Dress we change up our hair we get new Wardrobe whatever our Move the needle very small they they Move the needle don't get me wrong like You can show up at your date looking Hideous and not get a second date okay

But you could still show up at your date Looking fabulous but if the internal Component has not shifted then that's Going to be the thing that loses it so For my clients we tell them they all my Clients and most of the time when people Think about pageantry they think about The walk how are you going to walk Across stage and they think about how You're gonna wear your hair what's your Makeup gonna look all of the external Things those things if not done properly They will lose the pageant for you but Even when those things are done properly They're not guaranteed to win it for you The only thing that wins it for you is What you've shifted internally both in Mindset majorly in my people drastically Underestimate mindset and you cannot Shift your own mindset you have to have Somebody outside you have to have a Coach you have to have a mentor you have To have some you cannot that's not work We do on our own that has to be somebody That that ha this is we are intended to Do life together this is why we want to Be with a partner because we want to do Life together but if you're not willing To commit to finding a partner a mentor A coach somebody that you're willing to Do life with especially on this journey Of finding love but and even in Pageantry these women want to be like You know in you don't get there alone no

One there's no uncoached winners in the World you know you're not gonna you're Not gonna be at the Olympics but you got There by yourself that doesn't happen so You want the best of the best of the Best but you're like I'm just going to Change my wardrobe it doesn't work that Way you actually have to change inside Your mindset and you have to change your Emotions you have to change your your Guidance you have to change the strategy Of the things that you are doing So don't be the swamp it's incredibly Unattractive and you might think that You're changing things because you keep Changing the same things like oh now I'm Going to spend even more money on my Wardrobe and now I'm going to get an Even better job well you've been doing That it's not working what you need to Change is that your flow you need to be You need to be full of life and it's not A list of accomplishments it's how you Show up it's your mindset it's your am I Willing to have somebody in my life That's able to speak to the areas of my Character that need to be developed and Changed that is what actually moves the Needle and that moves the needle like Majorly it's not just like a little blip On the radar it's like boom that can Transform a person that's that's why When you see people working with a coach No matter what area nutrition or

Personal training or something you're Like wow what did you do and they're Like I hired a coach and it's like oh That they didn't just hire a coach and Teach them all the stuff on the swamp They hired a coach they jumped in a River and they allowed their character They allowed their mindset their Emotions to be transformed to be Life-giving so there's a big difference Don't be the swamp don't be stagnant Allow yourself to try new things get out Be become somebody that's willing to Transform not to become somebody that You're not but to shift the character Aspects that will help you to improve in Your life overall That's really important ladies if you Ever want to run for a pageant okay so Just like Alicia has magnificent Um and you know the piece that I would Say uh what you were just mentioning and I just totally lost my train of thought Okay it's covered it's coming right back What did we just talk We're both there Right bloopers yeah so Um it's actually that sometimes women Are like you know I want a man who's Like personally developed and all the Things right but then I'm like well so Everything you want like take that list And then like put a heart next to it That what you what you are at the same Time because sometimes we look for a man

Who brings sort of that life force Energy into our life right but then we Are not able to actually generate it From the inside right like I'm like well How are you gonna activate a man like The man's gonna tell for example if you Just send a text message hey what are You doing you know Daniel There's nothing new in your life you Want me to entertain you right now you Hope that I'm going to tell you Something that causes a state change Inside of you but what you're saying is Like girlfriend you know I mean you Gotta create your own State change from The inside out not like looking to him All the time getting the yummy desserts And being like well I want him to be Always the dessert but like I'm not Oh me being the dessert no I'm I'm good I'm gonna be the Bland soup you know What I mean that's right yeah because no The the men that most of us want to Attract do not want to leave their River To get in your swamp yeah they don't Want to do that they they are willing to Leave their River to get in your River But they do not want to get in your Swamp so you're like oh here I am in my Swamp and your River looks so great like Uh well they're like oh your swamp looks Stagnant like but if you're flowing then You got stuff to offer that's attractive That's very attractive not the swamp

[Laughter] That's a good visual right no one wants To be a small See all the mosquitoes flying over it And then lastly uh what's what's the Last thing that makes you less Attractive and you should never ever do Don't ever do this okay this is Something that I've I've seen women do As a Sort of reaction to driving for what They want and you alluded to this the Difference between the masculine and The Feminine energy previously so When I train the ladies that I work with One of the things that we teach them is The way in which they present themselves Sometimes when we are wanting a thing And we want it so badly my contestants They want to win So that they have worked so hard they've Been driving for a goal sometimes for Years and it's not just in the way that They look it's not just in their Character and the things that they're Achieving but it's also the things that They're doing for their Community They're making a massive impact on Others and they want it so badly and What tends to happen is that when we're Going after a Target it requires that Masculine energy like this is what I Want this is what but at some point you Have to know where to dial that back in

Order to as I describe it to my clients To float like a bubble So when I train my clients to walk Across stage the visual that I give them Is a bubble that's that's in motion you Know when you when you have a wand and You blow a bubble a bubble that floats It never shifts like this like it never It never uh rigidly changes directions It never makes an abrupt stop okay what It does is it might slow down it might Twist and curve and it might sort of Shift its energy as it's moving about But it's in a state of constant movement It's it's allowing itself to flow this Is the feminine energy that I believe That we need to ultimately have now Granted when you're doing the strategy When you're doing the work when you're Kind of reflecting there needs to be a Level of masculine energy that goes into Those aspects as you're learning as You're training you're gonna be making Decisions you've got to kind of have Some follow-through like there's got to Be there has to be that masculine effort And we have to know how to balance that With this feminine bubble energy so that You don't come off as so aggressive or So Um I guess like So uh driven is not really word because Driven is an is absolutely an attractive Quality but when you are so driven that

You're willing to drive over people That's when it sort of becomes like oh Yikes that's so the bubble when met with Something that it might not like kind of Like twists and turns and floats in a Different direction right so it's Carrying this energy of being allowing Yourself to remain in flow allowing Yourself to be fluid if it's not going Down the path you want to gently kind of Exit and allow yourself to leave This is the feminine aspect that most Men are ultimately attracted to Masculine energy gets What It Wants by Driving for it by going salt by finding The Target and then fighting for it Every step of the way feminine energy Gets What It Wants by saying no thank You no thank you no thank you and then Opening space to allow the thing it does Want to come in that's the bubble Analogy so that's the hey let's float Let's be in flow let's allow this to Gently happen let's not force it let's Not be rigid let's not be so strict and All these things that make us feel pent Up and have a lot of tension Oh we gotta release all those things and Float like a bubble That's my final one for yandya oh I love That so much you know I I tell my women Sometimes about like a round energy Versus some edgy energy so that's like So perfectly compliments like there you

Go ladies here we go you know mic drop Yes totally but you can already feel how Your whole energy your whole awareness Shifts how you don't feel like you know Last night I was watching Love is Blind finale Um I'm not gonna like you know if you Haven't watched finale but there was one Uh one wedding where she was just like So harsh and like just so I masquerade Him a belittled him all the things right And it's like well this is only gonna Look bad on your girlfriend I know that Your girlfriends are standing up and Applauding but like honestly everybody Else is like what's wrong with her you Know what I mean it's just like why Can't you just say be like elegant and Say you know what this is not the right Match I wish you the best of luck you Know what I mean you're great guy you're Not for me kind of thing because that Resentment right but I was talking about That actually men who are high quality See that and they're like I would never treat someone like that Whether I like them whether I not like Them whether I had like some you know They're just like very it's all you Could almost not tell because it's so so Elegantly done you know what I mean it's Like yeah that sounds like a suggestion Versus like oh yes you know That's a beautiful real life example of

The bubble like the difference between a Bubble in action if you're imagining That you're the bubble floating you Would not pop on somebody you know you'd Be like wait a second if I pop I lose Myself right so instead you want to Curve yourself redirect and lovingly Move in a different direction that's What that bubble energy would do versus Saying you know yikes I need to like Attack this person I need to a bubble's Not gonna hurt anybody so what are you Gonna like smash into them like no You're if you smash into them you will Pop so you have to delicately find a way To say you know what I'm gonna move About this you know Auntie that is Probably one of the most difficult Things that I think especially for women That are high Achievers because because To become a high achiever you actually Have to have a significant amount of Masculinity that will allow you to Achieve those goals and that's wildly Important and valuable in today's world That's a beautiful wonderful thing we Don't want to run away from that but we Also have to learn how to navigate both We have to discover we're when we're a High achiever we're so used to doing it One way that we sometimes miss that There's another way of doing this too And so that's that's why I say that most Of these things you can't just do it on

Your own it requires somebody else you Know in in coaching in general but in Especially my industry we say that if You are in the jar imagine like a jar of Peanut butter or pickles or something And the label is on the outside and you Can't read the label because you're in It you need somebody outside of you to Read that label for you to help you see What it is that's happening inside of You and then to kind of give you that That way out it has to be somebody that You trust it can't just be any old Person because they might read the label Wrong they might read it rudely uh Sometimes we can become damaged by Giving somebody the you know this this May happen in some women who have been Through a first marriage where they Trusted somebody to read their label to Guide them and to support them but then That person abused that privilege so now There's a trust issue of like well now How do I allow space for somebody else To help me to guide me to partner with Me because I gave that opportunity to Somebody and it didn't go well This is why learning those boundaries And understanding these type these I Mean one YouTube video even 20 YouTube Videos it's deep work you know you have To really learn how to do and it Requires that outside guidance to kind Of help you in a trusting and loving way

Ah that's so incredible like that Example right it's like it's so true Brody always says my husband for those Of you who don't know Um a fish doesn't know that she's wet You know I mean you need to tell some You know they don't even know that There's something called land so I love That other that analogy you know it's Like you can't look from the outside in The other person can read the label yeah From the outside well I could talk with You forever and we usually I know but I Mean like on this podcast yeah I know So for the women who are like gosh I'm Just like really resonating with what The wisdom and the golden nuggets that Alicia has to share how can they find You what do you have for them so win a Pageant.com We of course do way more than just Pageantry Um I have a lot of free downloads there Uh podcasts over 200 episodes Um YouTube a book things like that but Everything can be found at Winapageant.com Oh I love it so much and yeah you know What I love about you is I always had to Sex story when I meet like a Miss So-and-so or whatever you know I would Like always stay away from those people And when I found out that I'm like what You're so genuine and you're so grounded

And you're fun and you're approachable And you know so that's like you're Living what you're teaching and you're Living that you have like this true Charisma this is true authenticity that Like that never changes right you have Like this like Eternal Essence about you that I just so Appreciate Alicia and I just like hope That more women get that you know get to Step into that get to own that and get To be exactly for who they are because What you said in a talk that I just Watched a week ago that's not about Being perfect what is it about it's About finding being yourself and when You are yourself so this is I I'll end Us with this here Um and and and actually before I tell That little story I want to share Something about you antia having known You now for a few years and and seen you And Brody interact something that I Really appreciate because again not Knowing one another's Industries I'm I'm Thinking like oh she's kind of like a Matchmaker she helps women get men well The the question mark is how's her Marriage going and one of the things I Love is that you and Brody really truly Do continually work on all of the Aspects that you are trying training on And it's an ongoing process you know It's it's that cons it's the iron

Sharpens iron you got to be around the Right people you've got to find and and Watching the two of you navigate that I Just think is so so beautiful and it's Been fun to witness that and honestly it Feels good to witness it because in any Industry there are people who are Sharing things Um Maybe in an unhealthy way or from an Inauthentic place and so it's so Beautiful to see that you and Brody Really are sharing true life lessons From stuff that you actually know and That you're truly committed to doing in Your marriage so I think that's Beautiful so the perfect I want to talk About being perfect when I was Um competing I always thought I need to Be perfect perfect perfect And it wasn't until years later that I Actually got a commercial gig for a flaw That I had that I was constantly trying To solve and while I was on set I Overheard the director say you know what And it was the the flaw was that I was In the fitness industry and I really Wasn't that lean like in Fitness you Want to be like muscly and lean you know And at the time I really wasn't all that Lean but I still got this gig and the Director on set said you know what she's Not all that lean and I heard that and I And instantly my heart it was like oh

Because that was my insecurity you know I was like oh what is she gonna say and Then she said but she's perfect I really like her she's perfect and I Realized that I get to be fully who I am I get to fully be myself because when I'm fully myself I will be the perfect Match for the perfect person that's Looking for it for their job for exactly What they were looking for I was perfect And so that's what Perfection is it's Not about making yourself chiseled into What you think perfect is what everybody What you think everybody else wants it's Not that it's actually you allowing Yourself to be fully and truly you and Then you will find your perfect match Oh this is this is like what what just Left this like tattoo on my heart like When you said that there's like my women Need to hear that right like there's Like the saying there's a lit for every Part and it's really like that you know I was not the perfect match for so many Guys like I was never perfect but I'm Gonna met Brody and I was liking all my Cocky jokes in German that didn't Translate into English I just bounced Off it I'm like babe I said you know I I Don't know that's like some funny Translation But but it was like it was this is my Perfect match right it's like they can Just play with you they can be with you

That I can understand what you're saying But they're hanging there with you laugh With you uh without putting you down or Without being like what like what like What's going on with that girlfriend Yeah or or without you having to change Who you are you get to be yourself That's how it should be yeah exactly Yeah no no more putting yourself into a Pretzel or or a backward monkey flips All the things like no more of that Ladies but within a pageant.com is your Winning ticket if you want to gain more Confidence if you want to increase your Radiance maybe all those things like so Take advantage of that so Alicia thank You so much for being here today this Was like even better than I expected I Feel like it was like my treat like my My yummy desserts so to say you know What I mean my heart well it's just fun To be able to see you in the middle of The week I love this so thanks for Having me on you know I mean just pop it On the podcast yeah totally and then of Course ladies if you have any questions Comments like put it into the comment Section as well like comment share Subscribe to my channel so thank you so Much for being here today Alicia I was a Treat at the very minimum and ladies I Will talk to you next time take care bye Bye

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About the Author: Jodie Smith