Hi, Brad Browning here, relationship coach
and author of the Ex Factor Guide, a program That teaches men and women how to get back
together with their ex. And that’s what I’m Going to be talking about in this video. So
if you want to get your ex back, then this Is the video for you. Now before I go any
further I should say that I’ve been working With men and women across the world for the
past 7 years or so and I’ve learned a lot About how to get your ex back. It’s a very
complicated process and there’s a lot of nuances To it and one of the best ways to break it
down into manageable chunks is to break it Down into three phases. So there’s three phases
of getting your ex back. I call this my ”3R System” — Recovery, Rekindling, and Re-Attraction.
So let’s start talking about the Recovery Phase. The first phase after your breakup.
The Recovery Phase, the first phase after Your breakup. Now this is where you’re feeling
at your worst. So after your breakup, you’re Feeling heartbroken, lonely, depressed, whatever
it is, all those emotions are at their peak In the Recovery Phase. Again, this is the
first month or so after the breakup. Now the Main goal of this period is what it says!
Recovery! You want to get to the point where You’re making good decisions, rational decisions,
avoid breaking into tears when you talk to Your ex, etc. So that’s why one of the main
things you need to do during the Recovery Phase is ignore your ex. Don’t talk to your
ex. Leave him or her alone for the next little While. For the first month or so. And also
in this phase in addition to ignoring your Ex, you also want to remove reminders from
your ex from your life. Now that means taking Pictures off the wall, taking the stuffed
animals, and the love notes, putting them All in the box, putting it away in your basement.
Just removing all the physical reminders of Your ex from your life. Not only do you want
to remove the physical reminders, you also Want to remove your ex’s contact details from
your phone, hide their status updates from Your Facebook timeline, do whatever you need
to do to forget your ex during this phase. Now I know, you still need your ex back, but
you still need to recover to the point where You can think rationally and handle a conversation
with your ex without breaking into tears. Another important thing in this recovery process
is occupying your time. This is the time when You need to lean on your friends. Go hangout
with your friends. Make new friends. Pickup New hobbies. Go to the gym. Work on your goals
in school, or work. Date other people. Whatever It is you need to do to stay busy during this
first month while you’re ignoring your ex. Now this is probably a good point for me to
out an important fact, and that’s that every Single breakup, yours included, is caused
by the same thing: and that is a loss of attraction. Your ex was previously attracted to you, and
then the attraction faded whether it was over A week or a month or a year, to the point
where they decided to breakup. If your ex
Gave you reasons as to why the breakup happened
in the first place. Maybe they gave you an Explanation or they gave you a few things
that led to their decision to breakup, I’m Sorry to say, but they were probably lying.
Or if they were telling the truth then it Was only part of the truth. They were probably
trying to avoid to avoid further conflict, Further discussions or trying to avoid hurting
you further. But you do need to realize, as I said, that all relationships fail due to
a loss of attraction. This may be because You displayed some negative, unattractive
characteristics that caused your ex to lose Attraction. Things like jealousy, neediness,
complacency, cheating. Or you stopped displaying The attractive characteristics that caused
your ex to fall for you in the first place. Now during the recovery phase, you don’t want
to overanalyzing things. You don’t want to Be reading into every little thing that your
ex is saying or doing and assuming that it Has some deeper meaning. But it’s also a good
opportunity to think about what changes occurred In your relationship that caused the fundamental
loss of attraction that led to your breakup. Now before I go onto the Rekindling Phase,
I’d like to just say please like this video If you’ve found it helpful so far. Really
appreciate it, it helps me out a lot. It’s Just the button down there. So please like
if you’ve found it helpful. Now, on to the Rekindling Phase. This is the second phase
of three, and it’s all about changing the Way your ex sees you. Helping them to forget
about the negative memories and the reasons They broke up with you and hold on to the
nostalgia, the happy memories. It’s also all About setting the stage for the third phase,
which is Re-Attraction. Now one of the most Important things you’re going to be doing
in the Rekindling Phase is making your ex Miss you. Think about how you would miss something
or what causes you to miss something or someone. Generally speaking, if you’re very comfortable
and used to having something or someone in Your life, if that is suddenly removed from
you, or taken away from you, taken out of Your life altogether, all of a sudden, that’s
what’s going to make you miss that object Or that person. And the exact same principle
applies to your ex. If you just keep in contact With your ex, everyday, and you just start
of slowly fade away, they won’t develop those Feelings of missing you like you need them
to in order to get them back. So that’s what This No Contact phase is all about. I mentioned
this in the first phase, you’re not going To want to talk to your ex at all for about
a month after the breakup. And that’s one Of the main goals of this. And in addition
to helping you get over your ex, it’s also Going to make your ex miss you. Now science
has actually proven that it comes to a peak Around 3 weeks after the breakup. 3 weeks
of not hearing from you, or being totally Used to having you in their life, your ex
is going to be missing you like crazy. And
That’s really important to your chances of
getting them back. This is actually quite A complicated thing and if you actually want
to learn more about it, just head over to My website, BreakupBrad.com I’ve got a video
on there about how to make your ex miss you. I can’t go into too much depth here. But it’s
very important to make your ex miss you and What’s why the No Contact phase must occur
if your ex is going to miss you. Another thing That you want to be doing during the Rekindling
Phase is working on changing yourself back Into the attractive person your ex fell for
in the first place. So that involves basically A lot of self improvement things. Things like
going to the gym, getting new clothes, making New friends, being social. Generally improving
your life moving forward, so that your ex Sees you more than just your desperate ex
that they’re trying to move on from but someone Who’s attractive. Someone that they’re actually
going to have second thoughts about breaking Up with. So by doing all these sorts of things,
like I said, being social, making new friends, Going on dates if you can, going to the gym,
buying new clothes, whatever it is, you’re Moving your life forward to make yourself
more attractive to your ex so that they think To themselves, hm, I wonder if breaking up
with this person was such a good idea in the First place. Because hey, look at how awesome
they are. Look at how they’re thriving since The breakup. And another thing that sort of
ties into that, is what I call Covert Jealousy. Basically this involves making your ex jealous,
which they will if you do this the way I’m Going to talk about. You got to be careful
about this of course, because it does have Some dangers associated with it but it works
extremely well. And what you need to do to Generate this Covert Jealousy is basically
date other people. Date other people! Go out On, even if it’s not a date, even if it’s
just a hanging out with friends of the opposite Sex, that’s what’s going to cause your ex
to become jealous when they find out about It. So this covert jealousy can really help
out your cause and really make you look a Lot more attractive in the eyes of your ex.
As a matter of fact, there’s something in Evolutionary science called ”pre-selection”,
which is what this Covert Jealousy is based On. Basically, if your ex sees you as being
pursued by other men, other women, then they’re Going to want you more as well. They’re going
to assume that you’re a high value person And that they made a mistake letting you go.
So Covert Jealousy is an extremely important Part of the Rekindling Phase. Now the final
part of the Rekindling Phase is the first Contact with your ex. You’re re-establishing
communication with your ex once the No Contact Period is over. Now you’re going to want to
start small. Don’t just suddenly jump into A phone call with your ex where you start
talking about your relationship and future And all that. Don’t do that. Start small.
Start with maybe a simple text message, something
Really happy and care free, upbeat. The goal
here is to just to show your ex that A) you’re Still around, you’re doing great since the
breakup and to show them generally that you’re Thriving, you’re happy, you’re carefree. Avoid
any negativity in these first few contacts With your ex. Don’t bring up any drama, don’t
talk about the relationship. Just be happy, Be funny, show your ex a good time. Remind
them why you were so awesome and why you were Together with this person for such a long
period of time. Now one of the best ways to Do this, one of the best ways to reach out
to your ex in this sort of small, happy casual Way after the no contact period is by text
message. Now this is going to be a short video, I can’t go into all the different types of
text messages you can use at this point, but In my program The Ex Factor Guide I do have
a bunch of sample text messages. So if you Need any ideas, just head over to my website,
BreakupBrad.com and I got some more there. One example though for this first time you’re
reaching out to your ex after no contact is What I call The Question Text. Now this is
a lot better than just saying ”hey” or ”what’s Up” or something like that that may not generate
a reply. The question text is specifically Designed to A), bring up a positive, happy
memory that you and your ex shared together And B.) generate a reply. So the question
text, essentially what I recommend is doing Something, say something like, ”Hey remember
that beach we found last summer? Do you remember What highway exit we took to get there? I
want to take a friend but I can’t remember How to get there.” Something like that where
A), I’m reminding my ex the great time we Had at the beach last summer, B) I’m suggesting
I’m taking a friend there (doing a little Bit of Covert Jealousy), and C), I’m asking
a question so hopefully I’m going to get a Reply. Now again this is just one type of
text message you can use and obviously you’ll Have to customize it to your situation, but
I do recommend starting with something small And care free, happy attitude to your text
message and building from there and preparing Yourself for the next phase. And finally on
to the third phase, Re-Attraction. Now this Is where you’re going to need to establish
an in-person meeting with your ex. You’re Going to want to rebuild the physical and
emotional connection, and it’s all done in Person. So that’s the first goal here, you
want to get an in-person meeting with your Ex. Now you can just pose as a friend here,
you’re not going to say anything like let’s Back together, let’s talk about it or whatever,
you’re just going to ask them to meet, you Catch up. Maybe it’s over coffee, thirty minutes,
after work, whatever it is, just get an in-person Meeting as a friend, and at that point, you
can do what needs to be done to rebuild some Of the physical and emotional attraction that
your ex had for you. Again, just like with The text message, stay positive. Don’t talk
about the relationship, don’t bring up any
Drama, don’t get into any arguments. Just
keep it friendly, upbeat, happy, and show Your ex a good time. That’s really important.
And before I go any further I should also Mention that this phase, Re-Attraction, can
actually differ quite dramatically from men To women. As a matter of fact if you go to
my website, BreakupBrad.com, you’ll be asked Whether you’re male or female before you watch
the videos that I have up there, because this Phase, as I said, does differ from men to
women. So this is sort of general overview. If you want to learn what it takes specifically
for your gender, go to my website and I’ll Have more information. Now, when you’re in
this in-person meeting, you’re showing your Ex a good time, you’re having fun, you’re
also showing them the new you, because remember, You’ve gone through this self improvement
thing that I’ve talked about earlier. You’ve Been ignoring your ex, you want to show them
how you’ve changed, you want to be happy, Upbeat, friendly, and most importantly, you
want to flirt. Now they’re there as friends But that doesn’t mean you can’t flirt and
build some sexual tension with your ex. Don’t Be afraid to touch. Touching is really important.
A lot of experts call this ”kino” — basically, It involves flirting by touching. Reminding
your ex what it felt like when you were together. Developing that subconscious memories and
bringing back that nostalgia and of course, Building that sexual tension that’s critical
for every romantic relationship. Okay, that’s Pretty much all we have time for in this video.
Thanks very much for watching. And just to Mention if you do have a unique situation
that something that wasn’t covered during This video that you’re still wondering about,
just head over to my website www.BreakupBrad.com And watch the free video presentation I have
on there. I go into other what if scenarios And possibly answering your question. You
can also find my email address there in case You want to get in touch. And lastly, please
subscribe to my YouTube channel if you’ve Found this video helpful. I’m always releasing
new videos on the same topic, so do subscribe Me here on YouTube and watch some of my other
videos. thank you again for watching, and I’ll see you next time.