Hey everyone before we even get started I want to make sure you know that the Final virtual Retreat of the year is Happening from the 11th to the 13th of November this is going to be an Extraordinary event of immersive Coaching for three days with me live you Can do it from anywhere in the world From the comfort of your home I really Hope you join us and for those of you Who think it’s just a love Life retreat It’s not a love Life retreat at all this Is for anyone of any gender and any age Who wants to take control of their life And their emotions to make the most of It so come join us by going to Mhvirtualretreat.com and I’ll show you All about it there now on to the video Do you ever feel like the people you get Attracted to are always the bad boys or They’re always the projects the Fixer-uppers the ones that either treat You badly or the ones that you end up Coaching through their problems playing Mentor and therapists too when a good Guy comes along who’s actually figured Out his stuff who doesn’t need you to Fix him who doesn’t treat you poorly and Oscillate in and out of your life when You find someone like that you think wow What a great guy I don’t want to sleep with him you ever Feel like that isn’t that annoying the Problem that so many people have
Is that what they actually get attracted To Is what’s not good for them there’s the Psychology behind all of this But then there’s just Real life which is Matt I get it I get That there’s some psychology going on in My wiring that keeps making me go for Bad people but the point remains I keep Going for bad people so what do I do About that how do I rewire my brain so They so that I get attracted to this Instead of this that’s what I want to Talk about today can you make that which You do not find exciting Exciting I believe that There are Legitimate reasons or perhaps what can We say good reasons that you get Attracted to these sort of bad boy types Who always wreak havoc in your life and Then there are the Smoke and mirrors ways that you get Attracted to those people and I want to Differentiate between the two the Legitimate ways might be that you know There’s they’re bold there is a kind of Confidence about them that you find Attractive they seem to know what they Want in life there seems to be a natural Charisma that they have these are things That you’re not wrong for being Attracted to and then there’s the kind Of ways that we get attracted
To people like that and that might be Because they’re mysterious have you ever Seen you know models male or female who Just don’t ever really smile that much You know those celebrities in interviews That don’t really have a lot to say they Just there’s this very the strong silent Type who just say a couple of words you Know like I never know what they’re Thinking what are they thinking you know And who are they over there behind the Scenes if that’s what you’re attracted To then you’re not attracted to that Person you’re attracted to what you Don’t know about them if you’re Attracted to someone’s mystery you’re Not attracted to them you’re attracted To their mystery because you know what To people who actually know them there’s No mystery it’s why we’ve increasingly When we see certain celebrities go on Social media they just seem goofier and Goofier the more they do it because you Go oh you’ve seemed so much cooler when You were talking less mystery is a very Dangerous thing to become attracted to Because mystery is smoke and mirrors and Then there’s I get attracted to these People because they’re you know sort of They they keep me on my toes what is it To be kept on our toes often we’re Describing someone who who’s there one Day and and giving us lots of attention And then disappears and when they
Disappear we feel this yearning for them Not just because they’ve disappeared and You know absence makes the heart grow Fonder but also because you think well If they’re scarce they must be valuable The person who’s not available must be Valuable we think like that in life in General don’t we think about going into A shop and you think oh I like that Jacket and then someone says it’s the Last one you go give me that jacket Immediately that jacket’s value goes Through the roof when we think something Is scarce we immediately put value on it Whether it has value or not that jacket Didn’t become any more valuable because It was the last one but psychologically It feels that way well when someone is Making themselves very scarce in our Life All of a sudden they feel valuable it Has no bearing on their actual value Which is the sad part isn’t it because Someone is actually there for you Someone who’s willing to show up for you And communicate well that’s valuable That’s actual value in your life but Because it’s abundant you go yuck this Is everywhere I don’t there’s Communications everywhere all the time I Don’t need this it’s cheap this person’s Never there Diamonds that’s the difference so we Have to be very very careful of that
Instinct because that has nothing to do With sexy qualities if the sexy quality Is my emotions are all over the place That’s a problem Martin snow my boxing Trainer once said to me you always have To question are you in love with their Presence or are you in love with their Absence now I want to talk about how we can start to Actually make the people that are good For us More exciting to us firstly we should Start to Value the right things more Okay the right things are good Communication someone who shows up for Us someone who cares someone who’s Thoughtful someone who listens to our Needs and responds to them someone who Acts with Integrity someone who respects Us these are all good things by valuing Those things more our life will get Better and it may not feel all the time The same way if we’re addicted in our Dating lives to the Spikes all the time Then we’re going to be very disappointed When we get into a healthy long-term Relationship we just are because it’s Not the same thing if you are used to Eating pizza all the time and suddenly You start eating healthy it’s not gonna Taste the same but what happens when we Start eating healthy is we we start to Train ourselves to want a different Feeling to value a different feeling
When I eat healthy I feel better I don’t Get the spikes I don’t get all those Highs but I also don’t get the lows I Actually feel better and when I feel Better I’m able to enjoy life more so I Enjoy this new lifestyle not because it Tastes the same as pizza but because I Actually over the long term it feels Better than pizza certain people might Give us these crazy spikes but there are Other people who just make us feel Better and if we value feeling better Over the spikes we will start to go for A different kind of person but if like Me you really like pizza do you have to Just say I’m gonna settle for this nice Boring person and have a better life and A more peaceful life or can you actually Say I can find a good person Who sometimes is still Pizza I have Three things I want to say about this Number one Stay curious about who the good people Actually are because they may be good They may have character they may have Integrity they may have all of the Markers of a great human being but they Will also have ways that they surprise You in sexy ways with their strength With their Charisma that doesn’t Announce itself so loudly at first but Is actually there they may be people who Are wild in bed and you don’t even know About it they may be people who are
Strong in ways you’ve never experienced Before because that you’ve been Experiencing all of this fake strength From people who are the bad boy but Actually this is someone who’s genuinely Suffered or been through things in their Life and is a a mind Jedi at what They’re able to do in life and what They’re able to deal with and what They’re able to create and that is Incredibly sexy to you once you get to Know that side of them people are very Surprising and I think that in our own Arrogance at so narrowly defining what Sexy has been to us in the past and Therefore thinking that that’s just what Sexy is we have neglected all of these Other more interesting people who are Just as sexy but outside our version of Sexy and therefore they are just not Known to us number two we have to give People road maps about how to turn us on There will be things you know about Yourself that you find a turn on Communicate those to the person you’re With if you’ve got a good person you Have good conversation you have a great Time with them and and you think they’re Wonderful help them by communicating What turns you want what if they did it Would be a massive turn on to you and That doesn’t just have to be a proactive Thing it can be a reactive thing if that Person does something and you’re like oh
Wow that tonight they wore a shirt that Kind of got me going a little bit that’s When men wear those kinds of shirts that Does something to me if you know that About yourself and he wore one of those Shirts tonight point that out say that Shirt you you look damn good in that Shirt that’s like Think good job tonight because when you Let them know what you’re doing is You’re saying remember this is a this is A way to turn me on you can use this Again in the future and you could do That with things people say you could do It with things they wear you could do it With ways they behave what this means is Graduating from what is a very kind of Naive and juvenile view on attraction Which is that someone is supposed to Just get me you’re supposed to know all Of the things that turn me on and just Do those naturally it gets out of that And it says no no I can actually Empower Someone to turn me on especially if it’s The right kind of person it’s the kind Of person I want in my life I can Actually Empower them to Turn Me On by The clues I give them as to what my Buttons are number three Give someone a long enough leash to be Dangerous now let me explain this when We are insecure when we are craving Safety we tend to start trying to Control someone we want to round their
Edges we want to make them conform to The things we need in order to feel safe Text me all the time be with me all the Time do all the things I say that I want You to do don’t go there don’t wear that Don’t be with those people and when Someone actually does all those things And we get this ultimate feeling of Safety we get bored so we actually Become responsible for our own boredom Through our demands the irony is that The person who’s the bad boy is someone Who doesn’t respond well to that stuff Who doesn’t care about your needs is Selfish So when you say I want this I Want that I want you to do this they Don’t do it and so they never have their Edges rounded and therefore they remain This thing that’s just Out Of Reach and We keep reaching for that safety and Keep reaching for it and investing more And investing more and when they give us Even the smallest hit of safety we Suddenly feel blissfully happy and we go God I must be so into this person but Actually what we’re in is this toxic Cycle of searching for safety and not Being given it meanwhile the people that Give us safety the people that actually Take up face value all the things we say We want them to do we get bored of and We let go of we have to not round Someone’s edges if we know that rounding Their edges is going to make us feel
Bored we have to be prepared to live a Little more dangerously you want to go Out with your friends and that gives me A bit of a feeling of oh where are you Going to go are you going to be talking To someone else are you gonna Encourage it men your your woman wants To wear something and it gives you a Little bit of a feeling of people are Going to be looking at her and oh that’s Going to introduce an element of Competition encourage it because Actually not having that feeling at all Might be the kind of safety that leads You to taking this person for granted Don’t punish people who make you feel Safe By being bored with them instead Encourage those people in small ways To still breathe just enough Danger And mystery into the situation that Allows you to still feel that desire That you want to feel in a safe way now Look this stuff is deep stuff even Though we’re talking practically what We’re really getting at is the patterns In our life that consistently lead to Pain and unhappiness and loneliness and Suffering and how we can rewire those Patterns so that we can start actually Moving towards things that will make us Incredibly happy without sacrificing the Fun the joy the excitement that we’re Looking for in our lives we’re talking
About establishing really powerful Healthy confident patterns and many People just never learned those things They didn’t learn them growing up Because they had a really bad model that They were basing their life on they Didn’t learn them in adulthood because They’ve been repeating the same mistakes For a long time and they don’t have the Tools to actually make a change even if They know that they want to this is why I design find the virtual Retreat a Three-day immersive coaching experience To help people build new healthy Patterns that transform their quality of Life now and in the future I hope that If you haven’t checked it out already You will use this video and this message Right now as the impetus to come and Find out more and you can learn all About this program at Mhvirtualretreat.com the next one and The final one of the year is happening From the 11th to the 13th of November Come join us before the year is up and Set up a powerful New Year for yourself I’ll see you over there thanks for Watching
What a Success
It was good to see the Hairy bikers organizing “old school”, what a great idea to bring together youngsters and senior citizen. How they both benefited, both gaining confidence, the elders feeling needed and the vulnerable youngsters feeling support and caring. Both gained from giving and receiving.
Relationships: Why Are Some People Only Attracted To People They Can Overshadow?
While some people end up with people who on a similar level, there are others who end up with people who are not. As a result of this, not everyone is going to be drawn to people who are as developed as they are.
Relationships: Does Someone Leave Their Childhood Behind When They Leave Home?
When someone gets on a plain to go home after they have been on holiday, it could be said that they are leaving the country behind. Once they get home, they can carry on with the rest of their life.
Relationships: Do Some People’s Childhoods Set Them Up To Expect Too Much From Others?
If one was to go shopping and they were to speak to someone who works in a store, it is highly unlikely that they will expect them to treat them like a close friend would. In fact, they might not know what to expect from them.
If You’re Not In It For Love
There are all kinds of people in all kinds of places who are in relationships and marriages for all kinds of reasons… other than being in love. Why do we do it? Is it comfortable, honest or acceptable? That depends on your arrangements; there may even be a way to make it easier or more pleasant. What are the top 5 reasons we enter into this kind of arrangement?
Forgiveness – Cheque, Savings, or Credit
Dealing with conflict can be as simple as thinking through how to pay for the trouble conflict brings. We might think, “Why should I need to pay? I did nothing to create this mess I’m in.” Whether that’s true or not is irrelevant – this situation of conflict is what it is, and there’s no skirting around it as if we could pretend it wasn’t there. It’s there, and it’s up to us to sort it out. If we won’t nobody else will do it for us.
Forgiveness – As Simple As Forgetting About Right and Wrong
Some time ago I learned a painful but fruitful lesson – people, all people, are sinners, and I cannot expect perfection from any of them, even of those who are mature in the faith. I cannot even expect them to behave ‘morally’ (it’s impossible to settle on an ethic that could be fairly and agreeably applied). We’re all corrupt. And this is wonderful news; we’re all benefactors of God’s gracious forgiveness as an example of the forgiveness we’re to graciously bestow.
Georgian and Victorian Intimate Secrets
The Georgians and Victorians have a stereotypical reputation as being repressed and reserved about their sexuality and sexual lives. This is largely undeserved as I discovered through my research recently.
Getting Out of Your Own Way: The 3-Step Wardrobe Plan to Have Him Forget the Other Woman
Do you feel like your man isn’t noticing you anymore? Do you walk by him in the living room and his eyes never stray from the video game, Walking Dead episode, or Lakers game? Are you worried that maybe some other woman is catching his eye?
Forgiveness Within a Broken World
FROM where we’ve come from, we’ve spoken a lot about forgiveness being an act of obedience over justice, that it’s not about justice at all, and yet that it’s all about justice. Those three previous articles have presumed that forgiveness is an-easy-to-understand transaction. To a point, it needs to be. Forgiveness needs to be about obeying God, and not haggling about justice.