The Secret to Getting Closure When They End It

What would you say to people who are Still looking for the reason why Somebody left or somebody didn’t want Them and they can’t seem to be able to Move on until they have that piece of Information what about to those people Quiet Forward Thinking not backward Thinking So in other words It’s worth asking the question could I Be could I be doing anything better That’s a question worth asking I don’t want to be with someone who Doesn’t ask that question of themselves Ever like that’s a that’s a that’s not a That’s not someone with a growth mindset But I think you have to apply in in a Forward-thinking Way so that would be You could be brave enough to say to Someone hey as awkward a question as This is I and I have broad enough Shoulders to hear the truth Is there anything that made you feel This way Because I want to be better in my life And I I’d love to be aware if there’s Something I did that That caused this And you so you could be brave enough to Ask that question but I also think that when people get one of Our programs and they read all about the Attraction formula

What that gives you that I think is very Useful is there are four components to Deep and Lasting attraction So there’s visual chemistry there’s Perceived value perceived Challenge and Connection And when you look into each of those Four things and what they mean and how You how you do them I think what it does is it gives people A model to go which Part of these am I not doing a great job Of So maybe I’m creating a ton of value That would be perceived value maybe I’m Showing an insane amount of value in the Way that I treat someone by doing things For them by having great conversation by Being generous by being thoughtful by by You know adding to their life But I’m doing a really bad job of Creating any perceived challenge because I’m not showing someone that there’s any Real price to pay for all of that value I’m giving it from a people-pleasing Mindset and so despite the fact that I’m Giving a ton of value this person’s Taking that value for granted because it Doesn’t come at any cost even if they Treat me poorly even if they don’t Invest in me even if they go hot and Cold I’m still at a moment’s notice Willing to give them all that value so I Think that someone can look at that and

Go oh That’s what’s happening is I’m not Actually challenging this person Or they might see that I’m adding a ton Of value but I’m not really connecting With this person so all the value I’m Giving is value that I’m used to giving But it’s not based on anything I really Know about this person because I’m not Asking the right questions to get to Know this person so this person doesn’t Feel like I uniquely see them or Understand them This person just feels like I’m a kind Of generic people pleaser so I’m giving A lot of value but I’m not connecting in A way that makes that person feel seen Or understood by me and we all want to Be some with someone who sees and Understands us my point is that you can Apply the attraction formula and by the Way the get the guy book if you want to Order a copy of that book on Amazon I’m Not I’m not even saying this from the Point of view of Um plugging these things I literally am Just trying to think where if someone Wants to learn more about any of these Things what’s the best place for them to Go but the book is a good introduction Um they get the guy book but my My point with all of this is that’s an One approach is asking someone another Approach is going to Someone Like Us who

Has a model and saying which part of the Model do I intuitively feel like I’m not Doing a great job of compared to other Parts and I think people are actually Surprisingly good at self-diagnosing Once they have a model to work off of Like a lot of people are pretty good at Being like Oh yeah if I’m honest I’m not creating enough chemistry Because I’m not really flirting You know I I’m adding a lot of value to Someone’s life in all of the things I do But and I’m connecting because I’m Having lots and lots of really deep Conversations with them but I’m not Creating chemistry because I’m not Really flirting and creating any tension With the person so I think a lot of People are good at diagnosing those Things But What I’m at the heart of everything I’m Saying is that that is a forward-looking Approach In other words if going back to the YouTube thing I shouldn’t sit there and read all of The comments on a video from two weeks Ago And lament what I wish I’d done Differently In that video Instead you have to say I’m gonna be Forward-facing in what do I want to

Bring to the next person or even if it’s With the same person Forget what did I do wrong what did I do Wrong it’s just what do I want to bring That’s different to the next interaction With that person Either because I’ve had a conversation With them and they’ve let me know Something that I did that that wasn’t Great or something they didn’t see Enough of and I want to give more of That in the next interaction with them Or because I’ve done one of Matthew’s Programs and I’m now starting to realize There was something I didn’t do but I’m Gonna just I’m I’m gonna bring that to The next interaction I have with that Person And if it’s too late and that person’s Already decided that they’re not Interested Part of our obsession with closure with That person And wanting to revive it is that we’ve Convinced ourselves that that there is Only that person And that’s just not the case that’s just Not true They are not the only person on earth That could make you happy you did not Find the only attractive person that Exists you didn’t find the only person On Earth that will find you attractive There are more of them

And you can apply all of these learnings That you’re getting To the next person And I would I really would encourage Someone this is where I will kind of be Heavy-handed with this One of The bravest things you can do is invest In what we have Because it will give you don’t then have To scratch your head trying to think of The answer And trying to just kind of search around In the dark for what might be going Wrong you actually can come and take our Programs and learn more about what’s Happening Here why am I in a certain Pattern constantly and we’ve spent 15 Years with those patterns so what might Take you years to self-diagnose for us Is just like oh this is what’s happening This is what’s happening and if you Learn about this it’s going to make a Difference we are often better at Self-diagnosing or being harsh to Ourselves right so a lot of these things Aren’t going to be surprising when you Go out looking for satisfaction from Somebody else and oftentimes let’s say Someone was brave enough to go ahead and Ask that question to somebody like well Uh is there anything any pointers you Can you can give I think they’re most Likely gonna give something like you

Said Audrey where it’s just like I just Wasn’t really feeling it like I wasn’t Feeling the sexual connection or Whatever Okay so you got that from them but what Do you actually do I mean this is why I Think it’s just a lost cause to do this I think that is not the route I would Give any of my close friends to do I Wouldn’t say like go ask this person and See if you can get an honest answer for Them I’d say go watch your Matthew video Go buy his book and be honest with Yourself as you’re reading and listening About what it’s getting at that you Might actually be guilty of exactly Exactly because you have probably if You’re a curious enough person that even Asked that question in the first place You’re probably pretty good at a little Introspection and a little bit of Learning and in that case you know save Yourself the awkwardness because they’re Not gonna they’re most likely not gonna Give you the satisfaction save yourself The awkwardness and just learn the Attraction formula and I I agree with That at 100 and the last thing I’ll say On this is that Is very tempting To overemphasize the importance of the Person that got away And to think that there’s something that That you need to go back and kind of

Fix or change and get that person so That you can finally get closure and Know that they didn’t get away because Of something you did or something that Went wrong that you could have changed It’s very easy especially if we like Someone And they were charming and they were Interesting and they seemed to tick a Lot of boxes if they don’t like us Or decided to fade out is very tempting Just to go I must not be good enough Because it’s not like I can point to Them being a complete Douchebag it’s not like I can point to Them being a horrible person I actually like them and I think they’re A great core quality human being who was Really charming and they just didn’t Want me it’s very easy for that to be so Crushing because you go and therefore The conclusion is just that I’m not good Enough And it the value of that person seems to Go up at that point because they didn’t Choose us and now it’s like whoever we Get if that person didn’t choose us then We’re still not good enough because we Need closure with that person we need That person to want us again for us to Have closure That is a trap That is a trap because you you can’t

You can’t go back and be enough for the Person who was incapable of seeing your Value or for the person that met you at A time of your life where you were still Evolving and therefore weren’t the you That you are today Is in is so pointless to ever worry About who we weren’t enough for in the Past Because you’re not who you were in the Past And you can’t go back and change the Universe to a place where you were ready In the past or where you would learn all The lessons in the past There is someone That will fall for you Who Someone in that person’s past wasn’t Enough for Right like that my my brain goes to Whoever you end up marrying They rejected someone in the past Who is a perfectly wonderful human being And turned out to be the most awesome Partner ever But the person you’re marrying Rejected them at the time because that Person was still a work in progress at The time or because the work person You’re married you to was a work in Progress at the time and couldn’t see That person’s value so it’s kind of like We’re all

World due at some point like we’re all Gonna get get hit at some point with a Rejection with our ego being crushed With not being good enough for someone At the time because we just hadn’t Evolved yet or Someone couldn’t see our value because They weren’t involved yet it’s it’s a Big circle It’s a big circle and sometimes it’s our Turn To get hurt and sometimes it’s our turn To be chosen Don’t distract yourself from the from The moment in your life where it’s your Time to be chosen By obsessing over a Time When it was your turn to be rejected Before you go I have a free video for You to watch over at Moveonstrong.com if you right now keep Obsessing over somebody that you are Struggling to get over maybe because Part of you wants them back but you also Kind of know that might be a terrible Idea but also part of you wants to move On but you don’t know how because you Don’t feel strong enough Go watch this video I promise you it’s Going to help the link is Moveonstrong.com and it’s free I’ll see You there

Relationships: Are Friends The People That We Have In Our Life Who Undermine Us?

When it comes to the kinds of relationships that one has with others, they could find that they experience intimacy with some of the people they know. As a result of this, their life is not going to be full of surface level connections.

Intimacy: Why Do Some People Open Up To People Who Will Shame Them?

While one can share their life with people who support them, they can also be in a different position. As a result of this, the people they are closest to could be the ones who hold them back.

How to Move On When You’re Hurt?

Have you ever been hurt? Have you ever waited for an apology that never came? Have you ever felt that someone needed to say “sorry” to you but they didn’t do it? Let’s say a friend throws a party without inviting you, or a co-worker misses a deadline that’s crucial for your favorite project or your partner / spouse really hurts you. You may be gracious enough to forgive if you receive a sincere apology, but what happens if the other person refuses to say the words you long to hear?

Intimacy: Can We Get People To Open Up By Criticising Them?

When it comes to the kinds of relationships that one has with others, they could find that they experience intimacy with some of the people they know. As a result of this, their life is not going to be full of surface level connections.

How Getting Close to People Forces Us To Grow

PAULINE and Geraldine met at church one day. They seemed immediately to have much in common. Both had a baby and another child each under six. And their respective husbands, Brice and Doug, seemed to get along together as well. Both families spent much time together over the ensuing five years, at church, in each other’s homes, serving others for Christ together, and serving and loving each other. Both couples were active in their serving within their church, much to the extent that between the four of them they were nearly three fulltime equivalent pastoral roles (senior leaders) on the church staff. Each couple was not only an ideal complement for each other, but both couples were an ideal complement for their church. Everything worked so well. And, best of all, the church was growing in reach into the community, and in spiritual depth.

Relationships: Do Some People Get Back With Their Ex In Order To Avoid How They Feel?

When a relationship comes to an end, one can experience a sense of relief, and this can mean that they won’t feel the need to get back together with the person they were with. Even so, this doesn’t mean that the other person is having the same experience.

Stuck in an Unsatisfying Relationship? Want to Know What to Do About It? How to Find True Intimacy?

If, for one reason or another, you are stuck in an unsatisfying relationship yet wish to find the way to make a positive change in your life and intimacy, developing Self-Awareness is the most important avenue to tread in order to do just that. It enables you to understand how you have shoot yourself in the foot until now, and helps you to realize what changes you need to go through in order to become empowered to find a successful and satisfying intimate relationship.

Relationships: Do Some People’s Childhoods Set Them Up To Keep People At A Distance?

There are some people who are able to connect with others, and then there are others who are unable to do so. When one can do this, there is a strong chance that they are going to be used to having people in their life that they are close to.

Relationships: Why Do Some People Try Hide Their Partner From Their Ex?

When a relationship comes to an end, one can decide to take a break and to spend time by themselves. Through doing this, it can allow them to process the pain that they are experiencing, and then to gradually settle down.

Six Paths to An Outcome

CHANGE affects us all in different ways, but just the same, we respond to change in much the same way. But our responses are not set for life. Our responses to life’s difficulties and disappointments are our responsibility to control. We have the ability to respond well.

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About the Author: Jodie Smith

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