Bachelor Recap – What Are the Signs it is Still Not the Time to Have Sex with Your Man

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[Music] you’re listening to the dating Den with dating and relationship badass and best-selling author Marnie Batista every week you’ll get the raw truth from Top experts and real people on the important dating sex and relationship issues you want to know about so if you’re ready for True talk that’s authentic and unfiltered and you’re not afraid to be called out on your own stuff then you’re ready for what’s next the dating Den Bachelor recap with Chris Gillis what are the signs it’s still not the time to have sex with your man ladies and welcome to the dating Den uh we are here in what is nearly our last show about Matt [ __ ] James you’ve been wanting it you’ve been begging for it you got it I know Chris we saw Matt James shed a tear the robot cried we did they only had to fly in and trick their dad into coming on it’s gonna be a party and then hijack him uh with all the mistakes he made in the in the 90s yeah it was so sad um okay so we have a lot of topics that we’re gonna be uh chatting about by the way we’re going to be going on to Clubhouse and and testing out some of these uh podcasts live so if you’re listening you want to join Chris and I on clubhouse and follow us and of course you also want to uh spend more time on and device and join us in our Facebook group spend more time away from your family don’t leave your house just follow us everywhere be a bystander we’re kidding okay so let’s talk about a couple of things uh first of all I really think that what we saw in this this was like the fantasy suite uh you know episode where there’s three women remaining and he has an opportunity to go on a date with them and then they get to do an overnight date which can or cannot include sex but it’s this moment where there’s no cameras and we’ve been saying this whole time that Mr James is a little bit of a robot he did admit that he was a robot pretty much prior to the conversation with the dad so here’s what how did he do how did he do that what did he say well he just said you know like Hey Dad first of all for those of you who didn’t watch you know his dad is just comes in he hasn’t he has a strenuous relationship with the dad we it was unclear like how often he sees the dad when he is last seeing the dad uh we know the dad wasn’t involved when he was growing up he brought him pizza and shoes but he didn’t bring him there was no love so uh so at the beginning of the convo with Dad he’s like hey you know I I wanna you know find my my partner here and I want to be able to have a healthy relationship and I’ve realized that I’m very guarded and I think that’s because you cheated on Mom and you know I need you to hear me how that impacted me so you know well first of all I mean my personal opinion is like so obnoxious just sort of like have you have someone have that kind of a conversation on television however it you know it makes for entertainment so that being said um thank you ABC yeah thank you ABC yeah because that was like the one moment that was actually entertaining do you think that having a conversation like that can you know really get this guy to a place where he is ready to commit or in real life if a gentleman you’re dating sort of is like gosh I’m really guarded I have a hard time committing I need to figure this out I know it’s I have X issues like whatever it is I need to start that while rolling do you think it’s like a good idea for you to be dating someone who has some commitment issues while they’re in that process is he’s gonna just like wake up tomorrow and be like yeah I can totally commit I’m ready to say yes like do you think that’s a good a good thing to do with somebody or do you wait till they’re over and break up with them what do you think yeah I think uh and we were martini and Anna in the little our Bachelor crew we were lucky enough to watch it yesterday uh as a group and yeah you you said something and I think it’s true or one of you guys said it is like morning or that uh he’s like just now starting to see you know the the the trees in the forest like dude we’ve all been staring at them and you’re just be he’s just now starting to realize and recognize that oh I’ve got some issues that I need to work through and he isn’t nearly as is yeah as far along as um as I think he should be so I think he kind of put a little bit of blame and he’s still at that victim he’s like [ __ ] dad uh everyone’s making fun of me and laughing me at the Internet it’s your fault dude you cheated on Mom and you know you you wrecked her and all that and there’s and it you know being from myself it’s a guy from a similar background uh who had you know very hardcore um was really good at dating very bad at committing um and really opening up and you know and becoming a Master full you know eloquent you know [ __ ] boy who looks you know perfect on paper and all that I I could I could appreciate um you know where he was coming from but yeah he’s still green man that avocado needs to stay in the store don’t take him home what he even says you know like when he’s having that combo with Dad and the preface where he’s kind of like stating the case he says you know like and I’ve never really had a girlfriend you know like I think he’s finally just saying like you know I’m supposed to like propose in two weeks and I’m kind of freaking out like what the [ __ ] um so yeah and I would say like if you’re dating someone and you are having those conversations of like you know where is this going or you know I’m in a place where I’m looking for committed relationship or I want to have a family or I wanna whatever you know I feel like a little confused we’re going slowly and that’s okay but I also want to make sure we’re looking for the same things which you know I advocate people having those conversations and the guy’s like yeah well I realized you know I’ve had I I think I do have commitment issues and I’m gonna you know take this step to work on it I think I would say be super cautious because having one conversation and Dr Emily said this yesterday and he did say on the show you know this is the first step I need to take or I’ve taken to kind of dive into this issue in more depth so it’s just really a matter of like will he really go all the way there or or and what he said in the show which was cringe-worthy to me is that he has this conversation and we don’t know whether that conversation in real life is like five hours or 20 minutes right like we don’t know the depth of it um but then he goes and he tells each of these three women the exact freaking same story like they all ask him well actually they don’t all ask him Michelle and Bree say so I’m in love with you um are we on the same page where’s your head at they say they say where’s your head at I don’t like to use a preposition at the end of a sentence where’s your head at um and he says he doesn’t answer really he just says uh he never does you whispered that you’re like he never does he never does but what he does say is oh you know I talked to my dad and I shared my pain and I came out of that realizing I don’t have to be like my dad now that’s kind of interesting because it’s not a takeaway that I would have connected the dots on from that conversation like I’m not my dad did you find that interesting that that was his conclusion which he restated in each conversation that he got no no no no not really no I I think I think that he did that because he’s uh at first he was kind of uh well say you know he was a he was a victim me a little bit like hey your dad you really [ __ ] me over you know blah blah blah and then I think you yeah maybe after saying it three times and sharing the story he’s like well crap what’s the conclusion and maybe the producer helped him reach it and said hey man just because this is the path he went down I’m not my dad I can choose a different path but he’s like that dog that discovered that stick and he kept bringing it to every single girl well I now that we’re talking about it I wonder I’m guessing there’s some mental health professional that is employed by this production we hope but I wonder if so I’m making totally making [ __ ] up now but that’s what we basically love to do about this story um is I wonder if like he had the conversation and he was like all upset because he’s like no Oh Daddy I don’t want pizza I want love you know and I wonder if he was like oh my you know I’m kind of scared like I have to propose you know they’re asking him the produce you know they’re asking him right they’re like kind of moving him through the pipeline and I wonder if some producer or a mental health professional was like no Matt don’t be scared that’s not gonna happen to you you’re not like your dad you’re not like your dad and he’s like oh yeah I’m not oh I’m not like my dad right so I don’t know if someone like spoon fed him that so that he would get some courage up um or if he actually had a sense of a shift in his own identity that was authentic like wow like I’m free I’m not my dad I get to make my own choices I couldn’t really tell because he’s hard to read I don’t know where his head’s at do you think that um so he seems to be just opening up on this self uh Discovery path on on on relationships a little a little a little late into his life after the you know the Nations watching him do you think that uh yeah that kind of to quote my favorite movie new shit’s come to light and he’s he’s putting this all together big lebowska by the way yes listening um that uh he is going to to think that he’s going to be I think it’s all going to finally come together and you think it’s going to have the awareness that holy [ __ ] I am 100 not ready to be married um at the end of this you think he’s gonna propose you think he’s gonna bow out maybe that’s why he’s crying in those in the previous um I I don’t know I mean I I hope for his sake that he does have that awareness I know that in past Seasons there has been moments where the Bachelor or Bachelorette but I can probably only think of a bachelor of three who were like like even Colton we watch Colton together right at the end he meets Cassie and he’s like she’s not ready to get engaged and he’s like that’s cool so he doesn’t propose at the end he just says like you know I want to date you um and that has happened where these guys were like I’m not ready for that so let’s just date so you know maybe he goes that way um but I’m happy that he’s having the conversation I think just like for a takeaway around what does this mean in real life you know I would I would be if someone is just going down this like path for the first time you know be prepared to you know have some bumps in the road you might want to not date someone who’s like half baked or just like just kind of the the ingredients are going in the pan he’s like not even half baked yeah um and I think that’s important to to reiterate I know we’re being lazy today because there’s so much to focus but uh it’s what we’re not saying that uh having a you know a a challenging past um you know this should disqualify by you or or other person you’re dating um I think if anything it actually makes it much more interesting and it gives the person more more wisdom and layers and stories and it’s going to be more colorful but I think when Marnie it sounds like what you’re trying to say is it yeah is it the yeah the cake the cake can’t just now be realizing it needs to go in the oven uh but before it’s you know ready to be dished out and served and I think in due time he’s gonna get there and I and I I you know we joke about it I do think the dude is a great guy I think he’s gonna make a great husband now that he you know he is on this path he does he’s always just seems just like you said so freaking green and kind of uh you know ignorant is still to the point of of what his reality is and we’re like uh no dude we’re all looking at you we know yeah there’s so many different places he’s missing you know the elephants in the room and now I think he’s just starting to step in enough elephant [ __ ] right he’s able to talk about it he’s like the opposite of Claire Crawley who is like I’m in the Navy yeah 100 yeah um okay so let’s talk about this one before we uh end this uh rapid episode it’s like rapid testing uh it’s a fast one um did he lead them on like what are the signs like you shouldn’t sleep with your dude and so the memes after the show last night so we’ve been saying like every time someone says something vulnerable to Matt James he says thanks for sharing that well last night the memes were like you know when they’re like man I really love you I’m like in it I see my life with you and the memes were literally like like the thank you check box like that you get back when you’ve like made a payment thank you thank you your submission has been acknowledged exactly exactly thank you um and you know he and remember Zach from Tasha’s season who ended up being a herd her dude at the beginning like she would say something vulnerable and he would just like go for a smackaroo kiss her and that’s what our boy Matt was doing last night it’s kind of what he’s been doing um do you think this is what’s so interesting because we know it’s a television show but like in real life if I’m dating someone and I feel safe enough to say I am falling in love with you or I love you and the person just doesn’t acknowledge it and kisses me right thanks for your submission like do I sleep with him I mean you know and I think it seems obviously you’d be like of course not and I know a lot of you do right like or it maybe you’re not saying I love you but you’re saying I really like you and he’s like yeah um you’re so amazing because he was you know he was interested the way he was with brie and Michelle is very different than with Rachel where he’s like giddy um so so what are the signs that like maybe your dude isn’t really emotionally connecting and maybe you shouldn’t sleep with them to try and seal the deal or get him to feel more connected that’s great I love that you yeah you say because um men we use that term seal the deal and for us it’s like yeah is is is is is is because our end goal you know oftentimes is to sleep with them and it seems like yeah like I think to seal the deal these girls what they want is they want him to say I love you and um and yeah so it’s it’s soft enough I think women will kind of go go the backwards route they’ll I’ll I’ll give him what he wants I’ll seal his deal then maybe he’ll seal my deal um and tell him that he loves me and it didn’t it didn’t work for you know for for other of these girls so um yeah that is a that is a yeah it’s a common thing right we all seems like a lot of us do that and then and and most probably when we’re you know most of us when we’re dating we do know that we love somebody but it’s scary I think yeah I think I think that’s worth acknowledging it’s taking a beat on that it is [ __ ] scary to be the first person to speak and say I love you you know um it’s nervous it’s nerve-wracking yeah and then and then the thing is we don’t I mean we cannot confirm for sure that they all slept together had sex we don’t know that but it’s they’re pretty glowy after so it seems like they did uh by the way this was the least um again I’m relatively new to this this is the least now that I I yeah you remind you had to remind me on this call that this was the fantasy suite that’s usually like a fun episode that’s usually like excitement and that’s like oh it’s gonna happen and and you know not just for such reasons but just tension and I didn’t get any of that this was not a fun quote you know a fun episode and I didn’t there was no [ __ ] fantasying about it or yeah there was no fan or the [ __ ] show like you said working through like oh no here we go here we go and I I had a hurricane and and at the end of the day so first of all like okay like okay I’m gonna just let’s start blaming the producers okay I’ll blame the producers on this week’s show um be a little creative people like the date looks the same the restaurant looks the same maybe it is because they’re in whatever but um the bread room looks the same ish but even the like literally like the morning the next morning he’s on the bottom shirtless the woman’s on top reiterating the I love you conversation saying the same thing she said the night before he says thanks for the submission it was so formulaic and non-emotional and Bizarro you know what it started it started with a close-up of uh of of of a dark nipple and I was like Oh I thought it was like the chicks every time like whoa that up no it’s this mad James’s beautiful hairless yeah I was like oh girl and then it zooms out and yet they’re all laying on the same angle you’re right yeah they’re like on his left shoulder yeah insert the next girl weird you shot it in submission like all right back to your marks yeah exactly like uh girl number one get into morning after position with Matt thank you um oh it was so bad and so and also I think this was super [ __ ] boyish at the like a good uh good-hearted [ __ ] boy and you ha I was dying to ask you this last night but I didn’t because Dr Emily was right there and that would have been so awkward but um uh you know that moment where you like the girl and you like totally had a good time and then you slept together and then she walks away and you can just tell like [ __ ] she really likes me he like yeah he like kind of like oh you could see his guilt and his weirdness yeah he kind of tries to shake it off he like shakes his head and he like walks back inside I think that I know that because I’ve seen that that look and I felt my heart sink you know like maybe I wasn’t supposed to see that but do you think I read that body language right I think you did he just got away with a robbery and he was like uh oh this girl this is yeah this meant a lot more to her than it did to me um yeah on there yeah 100 by the way you keep blasting him for being a [ __ ] boy what is it what is he doing that I mean the guy’s in a tough situation he’s got to date three girls I mean he’s he’s in a fantasy suite and they’re all like waiting to see you know how Jamaican is he he’s gonna get in there and I mean and and he never like like we’re busting his balls we’re not saying uh he loved any of the girls uh back except for Rachel I believe you even say that last night no no he did say it because he all went uh like you know like your home run has been hit I mean look I don’t I don’t know if he’s a fuckboy I I just think what I mean by that is that he is a guy who’s really Charming women will easily sleep with him women will easily try and convince themselves that if they do X Y or Z he will open up he will you know he’s got a lot of potential um I think he’s really good at compartmentalizing and this is kind of forcing him to like deal with his [ __ ] the show maybe but so that’s I don’t think he’s an evil person person I just think he’s used to sleeping with women um with his eyes open at all times he was doing it last night too it was so weird um I love it I know so you know I just think that that’s sort of you know his thing like he’s he’s um he just he’s a hit it and quit it guy Shake It Off go drink some beers and play pool with Tyler Cameron and rinse and repeat um all right so we only have a couple minutes left for this like speed episode today but don’t worry we’ll be going full force next week with the grand finale um if there’s one thing that you learn from this episode of the home uh the fantasy suite episode what would that be one uh you know what did I learn from this Shaughnessy Suite um I was gonna just say this and I don’t know if we don’t have enough time to talk about it but we could talk about it on what happened around Clubhouse in a minute all right we’ll talk about a clubhouse but it seems like like how to figure out if he is the guy you’re dating is is he a [ __ ] boy or is he or or and how or is he just is he a guy with so much potential he’s almost there and you can change him and he’s like and he’s just starting to show that turn the corner he’s like oh yes oh man it’s my dad that’s the reason why and you’re like just give him more time if I just sleep with him or if I just give him what he wants to tell him I love him he’ll get there sort of thing versus being like yes dude and he’s but he’s so close yeah yeah I mean I would just be like why don’t we talk I would date I don’t even know we’ll talk about in clubhouse we’ll talk about it next week ladies don’t ever date a guy who doesn’t know that you’re supposed to kiss with your eyes closed and when you tell him do it with some damn dignity we’ll see you next week bye-bye hey thanks for tuning in to Today’s Show so if being in an intimate relationship in which you feel a hundred percent seen heard and accepted by a high caliber man is a priority for you right now and you’re interested in seeing if you’re a fit for working with me and my team at dating with dignity here’s what I want you to do just head over to DWD VIP that’s d as in dating w d as in dating vip.com and book a call to speak with my team well get on the phone with you for about 60 minutes and you’ll get crystal clear on what’s stopping you from finding true love right now we’ll also take a look at what you want to create what you want your whole life to look like when you’re able to finally be fully expressed as a woman in a healthy relationship with an incredible guy and if we can help you get from where you are right now to where you want to be we will show you the fastest path possible that makes sense for you to do that we help smart successful in men all over the world solve this one missing piece in their life so they can finally have it all so to see if we can help you do the same thing head over to dwdvip.com I’m Marnie Batista and let’s talk soon [Music]

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